No regrets, just lessons, this is my realization

When do we start to convince ourselves that we have matured? That we have grown up? Is it everytime we learn a lesson, or when we believe we've just survived something tramatic? Who is to say what "grown up" is anyway? When is it that we have "grown up"? Does that mean we are boring? Do we ever really "grow up"? Does that mean we are expected to always make the correct decision? I don't ever want to grow up. I want to live my life constantly learning. Not exactly making mistakes, but "grown up" sounds so unappealing to me. I am on a quest for wisdom, a quest for life, a quest to be everything that everyone is not. Lately my ambitions have been clouded by loud music, boos, and cigarette smoke. I have no excuse, and I place the blame on noone but myself. I want so much more from life than I have been portraying. I have become like everyone else. This will stop. There's a time for play, but I don't want to ever lose sight of who I am again. The rage I have hung onto, is indeed, a part of me I cannot lie..I am in control of my own actions, but I will not hang onto this anger forever. I have, in the past few days, felt a weight taken off my shoulders. That cloud is rising from my view. This life is for me to lead, not for him to control. I am better than this. I possess my own thoughts and actions. I will grow from this entire experience. I regret nothing.